Blame it on all of the action the solar system gave us in the last 24 hours but I have been feeling rather pleasant. Have you ever just completely wowed yourself out of the depressive oblivion you had been in for like… ever? It seems as if all of the transitioning I had been doing over the course of the year so far and all of the goals I set out to achieve came in to full swing the week of the solar eclipse coincidentally. Granted I had absolutely no clue that this was even happening nor did I witness it since I live in California but I just thought how weird and coincidental it is. We believe anything, right?
This year I vowed to do something about my career or whatever it is I’m calling it. I wasn’t happy from the first day I started my first full time job as a chef. I stayed for a year an a half though and that year and a half was just chronic migraines, self doubt, hating the energy of where I was spending most of my time. I lacked sunlight which is my favorite thing about life. I was working hard over night, underpaid for my work and undervalued. At the end of February I got offered a position at another restaurant offering tremendous growth opportunities. The atmosphere of the place was so different. The very energy was just pulling me in and making me excited to be a part of it.
I decided to tough it out for a few months, carrying both jobs since the new one was paying me even less. I was stressed, I was tired, I was wondering why I was holding on to a position I hated just for the pay. I don’t need much money. I don’t spend a lot or any money actually other than food and bills which I split. I didn’t NEED it so bad that i should mentally suffer and be bored to death with my tasks. I was feeling like a sell-out. Like seriously, why was I torturing myself? No amount of cash was worth how much I was hating most of my waking hours. I didn’t know this until I finally just let the job go. Yep I quit and stuck with my new one. a risk in many aspects but a risk that is worth it.
And since that day, (this past Monday, its Friday night now) I have felt completely peaceful.
That is the only way to describe it. The only challenge has been retraining my body to sleep on the normal human clock and no longer during the daylight hours. I’ve been out in the sun every day for longer periods the closer I get to a normal sleep schedule. The weather here in california has been nice and warm. I’ve been investing literally all of my new found free time into all of my hobbies. This free time is only until this upcoming Monday when I will officially be starting as a cook at a new restaurant.
Yes.. back to cooking. No more cakes.
No more baking. For now.
Post solar eclipse I had the urge to draw again. Actually, this came on Tuesday however I didn’t start really drawing until today. Below are some of my drawings from the past couple of days. These are all video stills from a project I’m also working on simultaneously. Yes, I’ve been keeping busy during this Self Gifted vacation.
He came about the day after I quit my last job and I was in a mood of sorts. A very happy one.
Next came the surprise. The WOW I gave myself. I had some random thought flicker into my head to research cartoonists on youtube. Mainly because I used to draw as a kid but I always compared myself to my artful older brother who draws so realistically it creeps me out. I, however, was slow to pick up the whole realistic thing. For me, cartooning came easy and because it came easy, I automatically assumed I wasn’t good at it. This whole idea has been haunting me my whole life and It took me this long to snap out of it.
It took the solar eclipse to give me an effing epiphany that I simply just have a mind that is full of shit and likes to play dirty tricks on me.
In the midst of researching cartoonists, I realized that as a kid I probably actually had artistic talent that no one told me about. Cartooning is ok and is art. Just because it comes easy to ME doesn’t mean it comes easy to everyone else as well and so I deemed it as a unique ability of mine. I wowed myself because I hadn’t drawn anything at all since I was a kid and used to draw Tweety Bird every day for my grandmother. So while my research on cartoonist led to browsing caricatures, I realized, hey… I could be good at THIS. I could still be good at cartooning and I can be even better at caricatures. Because heres the thing: I hated my art as a kid because my people never came out realistic as hard as I tried and I would scrap the paper when I made a mistake that through off the image. Completely frustrated.
But cartooning and now these caricatures, I’ve discovered, comes easy for me. I can exaggerate features and have it still be relatable. I don’t NEED art classes to become an artist because I literally cranked all of these out in less than 15 minutes just naturally.
At nearly 26 years old I’m just now figuring out how good I am at things. I’m still discovering little things about myself, little talents, big talents, that I never dreamed existed in myself and it’s very strange…
Life is long so I wonder what else I’m good at..Maybe I actually CAN sing.